My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
