the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
