The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
