I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
