whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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