I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
