Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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