Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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