omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
