She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
