Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
