it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
