thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Even my vagina gasped.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house