never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to calm my uterus...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool