I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
