Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize