if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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