Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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