Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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