No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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