if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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