you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
