I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
