oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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