Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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