I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
