Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
