Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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