just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
