last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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