Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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