she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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