There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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