You're my little dorito
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
