Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
