tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
