walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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