I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
