the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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