you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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