So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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