you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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