i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
