Moan for me like Helen Keller
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
