apparently the secret to your success is patron
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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