He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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