I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
