fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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