Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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