I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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