There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
