sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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