My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
