i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
