There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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