you win again, gameday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
