Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
