i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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