Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
NoShamevember. You game?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
