mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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