you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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