I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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