i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's like iHOP with fire
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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