So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
