I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My liver just broke up with me...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.