Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
the liver wants what the liver wants
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night