pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?