i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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