The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
did i just pee glitter
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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