Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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