I want to walk on stilts...naked
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
