i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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