fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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